58. Shame, Corruption of Your Baseline

Bringing it back.

As noted the home cooked bias favors maximum opportunity to develop independence, effficient self-regulatory systems, individuation and high intelligence. As such, Home Cooked places itself at 2 or 3 on our scale ranging from individualism (1) to collectivism (5). Post 26.

As noted we are hard wired to experience immediate qualitative feedback always. We navigate our environments, respond to attractors, become inspired, expend effort, fail, adapt, expend effort fail, adapt, expend effort, succeed. This transpires entirely as a result of our own physical and mental activity. No outside actor need be involved.*

The repeat effort-failure, effort-failure, effort-success dynamic gives rise to accomplishment. No one need say, ‘good boy’, ‘good try.’ In fact those ‘good boys’ and ‘good tries’ hinder the development of our self regulation system for sustaining self esteem.

Absent external feedback, we are wired to judge our own performance fairly. That block tower stood tall or not. We know. The child who builds the structure by him or herself navigating misteps, recovering, trying again all by him or herself is well on the way to developing an internal locus of self judgement. That child is highly likely to be resilient, honest with himself and focused. That child is highly likely to overcome adversity and develop new adaptive strategies creatively.

This is your esteem baseline. You are hard wired to welcome challenge, learn as you go, adapt creatively and take pride in accomplishment.

All this is in play during your second year. Significant others who shame you corrupt you own internal capacity to recognize a good, namely success. Additionally, those who would cheer you on with the ‘good boys’ and ‘good tries’ similarly corrupt your own internal capacity to recognize good.

A well developed self regulated self judgement system builds resilience that well serves as others may attempt to shame you.

*This solitary activity requires of course, a baby-safe environment and supervision at a distance.